This album contains some of the dirtiest songs you've ever heard in your life.

12 MP3 Songs
POP: with Electronic Production, POP: Quirky



Details:
John Paul Sharp's

DIRTY

What is the DIRTY album?

Well, it's a full album of songs that are ... well ... dirty!

Remember those days in junior high school? Welcome back. DIRTY celebrates all those wonderful memories of jokes about sex, the bathroom and more - from an adult perspective.

What was the inspiration behind this album? ... WHY?

Well, Kathy Griffin was a major inspiration in my creating an album where I could totally let go and just sing about the craziest, most insane and possibly disgusting things I could think of.

Often, my kind of humor can be seen as inappropriate in just about any situation. I'm not always joking like I do in DIRTY but it is a favorite way of joking for me.

DIRTY is my way of releasing a lot of 'inappropriate' energy in the form of some really great tunes.

What have people been saying about the DIRTY album so far?

"This album is disturbing ... and yet I can't stop listening to it. I love it and I am ashamed behind that." -- P. Escalante

"I like to listen to the CD in my car, in the morning on the way to work. The main reason is because I cannot allow my children to hear it or see the album artwork but also it is because I find I wake up a lot quicker when I hear these songs first thing in the day." -- P. Valdez

"I find myself singing some of these songs at work because they are so catchy! I just hope I don't eventually get fired because of it!" -- S. Dawn

"Because of this album, I am getting an education of sorts that I never thought was possible until I moved to America from India and met John Paul Sharp and he introduced me to the DIRTY album. Now I know what Hot Spray means. Oh yeah, and now I know what a Dingleberry is and I hope I never end up accidentally eating one." -- P. Zacharia

âI think this album is perfect to play where I work: At a porn store. I think customers will stay longer and buy more stuff, simply out of curiosity or confusion.â J. Salas

Beyond the lyrical content, what kind of music is it?

Dance, 80âs Rap, Blues, Quasi-Mariachi, Rock, Aggressive Electronica, Music Theatre, Classical, New Age, New Wave Pop and more. Every song has itâs own flavor!

What ARE the lyrics?

Hereâs a rundown:

Canât Let Go:

The hum and drum of tweedle dum is gettingâ me down
I wanna face the day, wipe up that silly frown
Iâve had my share and I donât care
Iâm givinâ it up, Iâm gonna face the day
If you canât see what all this means
Maybe you Canât Let Go ⦠and itâs time to hit the road

We can get so very serious
It can be oppressive sometimes
Why do people get so furious
With just a few dirty-ass rhymes?

(You canât take this away from me
We have the right to get dirty)

⦠dirty, dirty birdy â¦
thatâs what Iâm talkinâ about you muthaf&#in bitch â¦

If you canât see what all this means
Maybe you Canât Let Go â¦
Let go, let go, let go â¦

Check Your Stool

Come on, everybody and gather round
Iâm about to spit some medium brown
âCause thatâs the way it goes when youâre in the know about stool,
Yeah, I said it!

Your stool is cool so letâs go to school
Get a little lesson and a couple of rules
Donât be a fool just stay right there
âCause Iâm about to getchaâ square!

When you drop your kids off at the pool,
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Do it for yourself, do it for your health!
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Is it pencil thin or a perfect ten?
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Did you get a clean break or did you make a mistake?
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Does it look like a pellet even though you canât smell it?
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL
Is it soft and smelly, grey or yelly?
CHECK YOUR STOOL, CHECK YOUR STOOL

The color of cardboard, consistency of toothpaste
Thatâs what your lookinâ for, thatâs what you wanna ace
4 to 8 inches is all you need,
smooth, easy pinches are fine indeed

Donât you sweat it now, donât forget it but
Every time you flush you need to check it
And if it looks bad, donât get sad
Get yourself a check up and be glad you had!

Repeat Chorus Twice

Dingleberry Blues:

I was at the bar
I met a man who was fu#&in hot!
He took me into his nice apartment in Cheesman Park after we got drunk.
He said, âYou can do whatever you want to me, whatever you want to me.â
So I did
âCause I was drunk and I wanted to fu&K.
I sucked on his d*#k
I sucked on his co&k, oooh!
And it was good.
So I said,
âCome on baby, come on baby, let me fu&k ya baby.â
And he said,
âAlright but youâre gonna have to eat me out.
Lick on my assh#$e for awhile.â
I said, âOkay.
Iâll do it this once even though I think itâs sick
Itâs totally gross. You can get lots of diseases that way.â
So I ate him out the best I could.
Till I felt something in my mouth.
A round, little thing that tasted funny.
Tasted like a Dingleberry.
And it was.
I spit it out.
I said, âI have to go. This is too much for me
I cannot eat a Dingleberry, so goodbye.â
I woke up the next day
Hatinâ myself for life.

Dirty Spanish:

Mi pinchi hoto
Mi po qita panochita trasera
Necessito ocho poulgaddas in mi boca
Y mi nalgas
Al mismo tiempo
Aora!

Lo siento mi biscochito, la la la
Necissito monteqia para mi susio panocha
Mamalas depido

Mi pinchi hoto
Mi po qita panochita trasera
Necessito ocho poulgaddas in mi boca
Y mi nalgas
Al mismo tiempo
Aora!
Mi pinchi hoto

Hot Spray:

I was on the greatest date of my life
With this guy who was totally hot!
Then he asked me a little question
It made me so nervous and sick I almost threw up!

And I said,
âOh - did you - what - were you talkinâ to me?
What did you say, could you repeat the question?â

âAre you ready for some HOT SPRAY
Stinging your face? Hey, come on,
Letâs get this party on. So whaddaya say?â

âWell, could you get me another beer?
Like three of âem?â

I was so confused, my Lord!
I didnât know what to do so I drank the night away.
Then I had to pee so bad that I could hardly stand up or walk away.
And I said, finally:

âOk. I can barely keep my eyes open right now but um
I think Iâm finally ready for you to repeat the question.â

âAre you ready for some HOT SPRAY
Stinging your face? Hey, come on,
Letâs get this party on. So whaddaya say?â

âWell, ok. Ok. this, alright â¦
Umm... thatâs really cool and all Iâm sure you can pee on me or whatever but I really have to go to the bathroom right now, so Iâm actually going to ask you the same question and hope youâll say yes really fast.â

Repeat Chorus to Fade

Iâm the H.B.I.C.:

You know Iâm on to your muthaf&#kinâ ways
And I am done with your sh*t talkinâ face

(from my mind it is you I erase
youâre gonna be easy to fully replace)

I saw you talkinâ to that girl the other day
I know exactly what you think youâre gonna say
youâre gonna quickly get down on your knees
Youâre gonna do whatever it is that pleases me

So will you wipe off that sheepish fu&#in grin?

(get real close so you can listen)

Itâs time to pack up your sh*t
We had some fun while it lasted
But last it surely didnât
You had one on me till you finally got caught
And now itâs time you gave it all completely up
You thought you were livinâ so large
Baby, Iâm the head bitch in charge

You think Iâm fu&#in around?
You wonât get no more of this money
No more of this f&#alishus body
As far as Iâm concerned you and you a bitch ass face just got burned
Say goodbye this, f&#ed up bitch.
I should have stopped having sex with you AFTER we broke up
But I didnât wanna stop gettingâ a taste of that nasty d*#k deep inside me.

Come on gells, come on mâgells. Letâs jam, gells!

Repeat Chorus

Letâs Jam, Gells!:

So, I was enjoying myself a nice earl grey tea â¦
On an international level â¦
And this gell, comes up to me and says,

âHey guys, Iâd really like to fart with you.â

I could tell she had some kind of drugs in her system.
Her pupils were like the size of dimes.

I said, âCome on gells, come on mâgells.
You wanna fart with me on an international level?â

She said, âHey guys! Come on, guys!
This isnât funny anymore.
Are you guys gonna fart with me or what?
I wanna do it with someone else, not just alone.â

And I said, âCome on, mâgells.
You wanna fart with me on an international level?â

So I thought about it for awhiles
I let it sit in me thinker
Do I really wanna stinker?â

Letâs Jam, Gells!
Come on, MâGells!
Letâs Jam, Gells!
Come on, MâGells!
You wanna fart with me on an international level?
Letâs Jam, Gells!

Most Guys Have Balls:

Most Guys Have Balls
Some are big and some are small
Guys either have
One or two or none at all
I have never heard of three
But I wouldnât put it past me

Some balls ainât right
Some are loose and some are tight
And donât you know
One sits high and one hangs low
Some are hairy to and fro
Some are shaved and good to go

Imagine if
Twenty guys are in a room
The total is
No more than 40 balls of bliss
Some will make you wanna kiss
Some will make you really sick

But either way
Balls are surely here to stay
So get relaxed
Or theyâll shrivel up and pass
And theyâll stay that way for good
Until you gently coo them.

Repeat Chorus Twice

Period Smoothie:

I canât believe you gave me a Period Smoothie
For the second time you tricked me again
I know weâre such good friends
But thatâs where I draw the line

How were you able to do this?
How much planning?
I refuse to drink of you.
Iâm sorry, but never again!

Hopefully this the last time
I drink the whole thing
Before I figure it out.

I just love smoothies so much
But what you did was cruel.

S.T.F.U.:

All Iâm really askinâ for
Is a little peace and quiet
Do you think itâs far too much
To ask if you could shut the f&#k up?

Ok, this is how the sh*t is gonna go down
I have to look at your ass every day I come to work
And all I ever hear is bullsh*t coming out of your mouth
I donât wanna know how much more pain you go through
I donât wanna know about your trivial f&#kin life
Just shut the f&#k up
Just shut the f&#k up
Just shut the S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
Donât you get it? I donât want to hear you right now!

All Iâm really askinâ for
Is a little peace and quiet
Do you think itâs far too much
To ask if you could shut the f&#k up?

Iâm real sorry to hear that the essence of your personal life is a pile of sh*t
But that doesnât mean you have to go dragging everyone through it.

Isnât there something you could be doing right now?

Just shut the f&#k up
Just shut the f&#k up
Just shut the S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
Donât you get it? I donât want to hear you right now!

All Iâm really askinâ for
Is a little peace and quiet
Do you think itâs far too much
To ask if you could shut the f&#k up?

Shut the f&k up now!
Shut the f&k up now!
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
Shut the f&#k up now, goddamnit!

Shut the f&k up now!
Shut the f&k up now!
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
S.T.F.U.
Shut the f&#k up now, goddamnit!

Repeat Chorus

Save Your Diarrhea For Me:

Youâre the love of my life, you know
Thatâs a fact that we canât deny
Youâve been pukinâ from both of your ends
And I hope that you will comply

My desires are simple enough and all that I ask
Is of you
To save a cup of your waste for me so that
I can drink your hershey squirts

Wonât you Save Your Diarrhea For Me?
Iâm the only one who will drink it
So donât you think about flushinâ it
Save Your Diarrhea For Me
Iâm the only who will drink it
So donât you think about flushinâ it away!

All that I can do is fantasize about
Putting it in the microwave
Heat it up for 20 minutes so it is nice and hot
With plenty of flavor â¦

It would be just like Iâm drinkinâ it straight from your stomach
And your sickly bowels
No one else could ever dream of this so I
Hope you donât think Iâm fowl

Repeat Chorus Twice

The Shocker Song:

What do you do when youâre feelinâ so blue
And you donât really feel so well?
What do you do when youâre stuck in a mood
And you honestly feel like hell?
Listen to me, âcause Iâve been there before and I know how to settle the score.
Pull up a seat âcause I gotta sweet treat
You just follow this recipe:

You get two in the pinky
One in the stinky
Thatâs a shocker for sure
So if you want something kinky
Have a little drinky and get on all fours!
Itâs a shocker, my dear,
You have nothing to fear!
Get on your hands and knees and Iâll show you what
Pleasure is like: Youâll feel much better in time!

Ok, now just get yourself relaxed and let me just â¦
There we go! Howâs that sweety? Yeah!
Youâre gettingâ the hang of it, I think!
Just a little more work!
There you go, sweety!
Next time you should try this with someone whoâs not gay!
Iâm just your friend, so, donât be getting any ideas here.
Just helping out.
Gee, I sure wish I could have one of these myself.
I think about it a lot actually.
God I would kill for something like this.
Lucky!
Thank your lucky stars!

Repeat Chorus Twice


And so, my friends, if you have read this far, then you probably have already bought the DIRTY album. And if you havenât, you certainly should do so. Youâll never be the same, I promise that!


jps*

8/9/7