Annoying songs about people you may already know.

17 MP3 Songs
ROCK: Comedy Rock, POP: Piano

Show all album songs: Little Ditties Songs


Details:
No Compulsion

Who made you Godâs police?
Who put you in charge of me?
I donât see your divine release
I only choose when my heart is free.

There is no compulsion in religion
Everyone makes their own decision
No one should be under suspicion
There is no compulsion in religion

Your god canât be better than mine
God is God and you ainât it
I donât need your party line
But Iâll vote for you if you donât shit.

There is no compulsion in religion
Everyone makes their own decision
No one should be under suspicion
There is no compulsion in religion

If you hurt other people there is no paradise
Anything else is a pack of lies
All youâve really learned is divine treason
And the virgins are virgin for a reason.

If you want Jihad, Iâll tell you where to look
Inside your ego itâs an open book
You and God are in collision
Because you think God needs revisionâ¦

Translations of Koran:
Al Baqara 002.256
YUSUFALI: Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.
PICKTHAL: There is no compulsion in religion. The right direction is henceforth distinct from error. And he who rejecteth false deities and believeth in Allah hath grasped a firm handhold which will never break. Allah is Hearer, Knower.
SHAKIR: There is no compulsion in religion; truly the right way has become clearly distinct from error; therefore, whoever disbelieves in the Shaitan and believes in Allah he indeed has laid hold on the firmest handle, which shall not break off, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing.

Bulldozers
I was driving one day when I had to stop
I couldnât believe my eyes
Iâd heard about it from some of my friends
But I thought it all was lies

But there it was in front of me
Something I couldnât deny
It was the very last piece of property
That old Mother Earth supply

There was a fence around it, some boards had fallen down
And I could see some actual weeds
Iâd forgotten things used to grow like that
I mean when plants had seeds.

Itâs funny now when I think about it
Now that everyoneâs on the phone
What it would have been like in the past
When nothing was every cloned

Think about it, I know itâs hard
When all there is to see is concrete
That in that time not so long ago
There were living things on every street

They had to develop and grow rich quick
And build and build and build
I was only fine but the memory will stick
Of that last piece of wood that was milled.

It was on TV and when they showed its roods
My mother brought out a book
She showed me pictures of the forests of the Earth
And said, âHoney this is your last look.â

I had parked my car across from the lot
Closed my eyes to think
When I opened my eyes I wasnât surprised
To see the boards replaced by chain link

Theyâd already started, the bulldozers were there
And the mayor was making a speech
Thatâs when I decided to make this time machine
And you would be the people I would reach

Iâm a voice from the future, a long distance call
And you are the people of the past
I hope Iâm getting through, can you see the view
Of this city of endless malls?

I trust you understand that I canât show you more
If you could see what youâve done you would scream
So let me instead let go of your head
And you can go back to your dream.

The Business Meeting

Gentlemen, this meeting will come to order.

You all know that our rivals outbid us last year
And what they plan to do is everything we fear
If it happens one more time weâll have to sell our yachts
So I move we liquidate our assets and buy the bastards out.

Letâs buy them out
Yes, buy them out
Letâs buy those bastards out.

If that doesnât work I have another plan
Dig up all the dirt to the very last man
Weâll buy up several hours on the major networks
And run a documentary on those jerks

Letâs buy up time
Yes, buy up time
Letâs buy those bastards out.

If that doesnât work I have another scheme
That military contract isnât just a dream
Our spies have brought us all the plans
All we have to do is sell it to Japan.

Letâs buy them out
Yes, buy them out
Letâs buy those bastards out.

Weâll build it in Mexico where laborâs cheap
Sell it on the black market and the price so steep
Our profit margin will be 1 thousand per cent
Gentlemen this problemâs really heaven sent.

Make it cheap
Sell it steep
Letâs make those bastards crawl.

Tom?
Yes Jack?
Tom, I think we should merge, then buy up all the stock. Weâd be solid as a rock. There facts are hereâ¦Iâve added it all up
Jack, thatâs one option, and it sounds very fine.
But our contact with the Mafia makes us draw the line
Tom, donât do it, theyâll take us for a ride. Instead, letâs infiltrate and destroy them from inside.

Letâs buy them out
Yes, buy them out
Letâs buy those bastards out.

Our CIA connectionâs always said to me
Since we helped them out in Turkey theyâd loan us troops for free
Letâs start a revolution in our competitionâs plant
And since itâs in Iraq, weâll get that weapons grant.

Letâs buy a war
Letâs start a war
Letâs start a healthy war.

Frank

My name is Frank and Iâm built like a tank
Iâll buy you a beer if you name my sport
Iâm a football hero got my name in the paper
That shiny custom painted van in the lot and the blond is mine

Iâm proud to be a man
An American man
Iâm proud to be a man
An American man

I got CB in my van and a bar in the back
A flag on the side and a gun on a rack
Itâs my bedroom on wheels I can pick up some chicks
Take âem to the country and have some kicks

Iâm proud to be a man
An American man
Iâm proud to be a man
An American man

My father told me not to be a wimp
And not one tear has ever left my eye
My old man would be proud of me
Cause I beat my wife and love my country

I get Penthouse every month canât keep my eyes off those chicks
I get horny when I walk downtown
I want to lift up their skirts I want to pull down their panties
I want I wantâ¦Mommy!

Iâm proud to be a man
An American man
Iâm proud to be a man
An American man

My father told me not to be a wimp
And not one tear has ever left my eye
My old man would be proud of me
Cause I beat my wife and love my country

Iâm rough and Iâm tough donât mess with me
Have a cigar, some bourbon or whiskey
I get what I want use my fist if I need to
Bust some heads, work my way to the top

Guru Land

Iâm on my way to Guru Land
Where everything is perfect, nothing can go wrong
Iâll be so very happy in Guru Land

My guruâs very smart, he tells me what to do
And when he says to jump I jump
Everything is fine when I toe the line
Here in happy blissful Guru Land

All my friends, we donât need to talk
We just stare into each otherâs eyes
And when we speak, we write with chalk
And whisper cosmic lies.

Here in happy Guru Land
Here in happy Guru Land

My guru is the best, thereâs no one quite like him
He is perfect, he is calm, heâs as blissful as can be
I want to be like him, I want to be in Guru Land

Everything is perfect, I am never sad
When I see a bomb I look away
I donât see why the world doesnât try
To change their evil ways and be like me.

All my friends, we donât need to talk
We just stare into each otherâs eyes
And when we speak, we write with chalk
And whisper cosmic lies.

Here in happy Guru Land
Here in happy Guru Land

It Ainât Much I Ask

If you want to get along in this world
And money or fameâs your goal
I think we can work out a deal
Just gimme little bit of your soul

A bit of your soul
It Ainât Much I Ask

Itâs really not much I want
you could be the star if a show
it could be a diamond bracelet to flaunt
Or a government you want to overthrow

Now just for free
Iâll give you some advice,
You can take it or leave it itâs my sacrifice
Just a sample, I thought you might
Some have found it worthwhile
So grow it like a seed

You gotta cheat a little
And you gotta lie a lot
You gotta play those power games
Whether you like it or not

If youâre trying to climb out of hole
And you donât know which way is up
Iâll take on the mentorâs role
Just take a sip from my cup

Now just for free
Iâll give you some advice,
You can take it or leave it itâs my sacrifice
Just a sample, I thought you might
Some have found it worthwhile
So grow it like a seed

If you want to get along in this world
And money or fameâs your goal
I think we can work out a deal
Just gimme little bit of your soul

A bit of your soul
It Ainât Much I Ask

Long Distance Lover

I want a Long Distance Lover
No roller coast rides for me
I want a Long Distance Lover
Tropical trees by the sea

I want no bumpy rides
I want it safe and sound
Cause if I donât go up
I know I wonât come down

I want a Long Distance Lover
I donât want you here with me
I want a Long Distance Lover
Itâs a shame you live in proximity

Call me when youâve moved away
Somewhere in New Mexico
Iâll fax a letter everyday
And once a year weâll say hello

Call me Iâll you if you call me if I call you if you call me Iâll call you when you call me....

I want a Long Distance Lover
That would be my first choice
I want a Long Distance Lover
Someone with an intimate voice

Iâd run up the bill on my phone
You could send me souvenirs
I could still be alone
That way there wouldnât be so many tears

I want a Long Distance Lover
No roller coast rides for me
I want a Long Distance Lover
Tropical trees by the sea

I want a Long Distance Lover
No roller coast rides for me
I want a Long Distance Lover
Tropical trees by the sea

No Time

Iâve got no time Iâm a very important person
Iâve got to run my appointment book is full.
Donât bother me with questions, I havenât got the time
Please write your suggestions or call tomorrow at nine

Iâve got no time Iâm a very important person
Itâs getting late Iâve really got to go
I donât need to talk to you, Iâve no time for that
After all Iâm famous and youâre not where itâs at

Please go away donât bother me
I donât want to be seen with you
It will hurt my fine image
And Iâm afraid what you might do

Iâve got no time Iâm 5 minutes late
Iâm 10 minutes late
An hour late
A day late
A year late
10 years late
my lifeâ¦

Labyrinth of Dreams

In this labyrinth of dreams
No one is appearing as they seem
Twenty- thousand doors and gates
Twenty- thousand separate fates
In this labyrinth of dreams
Big and little thoughts flow into streams

Sally takes her clothes off dives into the pool
Sunset at the time is looking mighty cool
Slasher with his eyes flaming all aglow
Dancing with his hands he makes a mighty fine show

Screamers and their scarves
Revolving in the air
Giving everyone a heart-thumping scare

A fire in the water everyone jumps out
Smoking with the best of them she lets out a shout
Lanker in his underwear throws a blue towel
The stink from the factory is pretty damn foul

Better cover your eyes
Better check on your size
Better not tell any lies

In this labyrinth of dreams
Underneath the surface are the schemes
Hallways curving, lengthening
Donât forget your ball of string
In this labyrinth of dreams
Your opinions flow into streams

Bobbyâs got a shop by the hardware store
When he needs a part he calls Marjory for more
All the favors that heâs done would qualify a saint
But Bobby likes his foreign cars with a new coat of paint

Rev âem up, Bobby
Tune âem up, Bobby
Wind in your hairâ¦

Dorisâ worked for Bobby for 23 years
Seems sheâs had a crush on him - her husbandâs got fears
All that Bobby cares about is turning the gears
And knocking back some ice-cold microbrewery beers

Doris is a pretty good wife
Doris has a fantasy life
And the world and wheels keep on spinningâ¦

In this labyrinth of dreams
What you see is not what it seems
Thirty- thousand doors and gates
Thirty- thousand separate fates
In this labyrinth of dreams
Right and wrong flow into streams

The DA from Miami says weâre legally bound
To bury the contaminants deep under state ground
Prison riots bother me shut down those clowns
Iâm sorry, Mrs. Fuentes but your daughterâs not been found

Call out the National Guard
Letâs play the special interest card
Donât let the press come down so hard

Lawyers rule the world: weâre the ones who make the laws
We get away with so much and stick you with a clause
Corruptionâs not a problem when youâre already rotten
Who we represent we have already forgotten.

We legislate our own pay raise
Letâs pass some more vacation days
Itâs all about the winning
And world keeps on Spinning

In this labyrinth of dreams
No one is appearing as them seem
Forty- thousand doors and gates
Forty- thousand separate fates
In this labyrinth of dreams
Big and little thoughts flow in streams

The Foreign Ambassador
(For Jill Borqueâs mockumentary for the last straight man in San Francisco)

Heâs one of a kind, a treasure for sure
Truly a find, a womanâs cure, heâs
Straight to the core, heâs the
Foreign Ambassador

Heâs the cock of the walk
The talk of the town
The top of the mark
The shining crown.
Who could ask for more
Heâs the Foreign Ambassador

Ladies Cry, Women sigh
Whenever he walks by
Clocks are ticking
Nothingâs sticking
Everyone wants a nice licking

Heâs one of a kind, a treasure for sure
Truly a find, a womanâs cure, heâs
Straight to the core, heâs the
Foreign Ambassador


Cats
I was there. I saw it.


Apocalypses Are Fun

I want to join an apocalyptic cult
Why? Because I am an adult
And Iâm very, very smart
Got an eye and ear for art
I am educated to a fault.

The end of time is coming to an end
I think I see it round the bend
The heavens open up
The angels come down
The earth cracks open and
Demons poke around

But donât you worry, the time is getting near
The apocalypse is coming but donât you fear
Because the end of the world is my goal
And when it comes Iâve got a special role

This is the laughing section:
Apocalypse now
Donât have a cow
The end is coming it wonât be long
Apocalypse now
Donât have a cow
Iâll prove Iâm right and youâll be wrong

I want to join an apocalyptic cult
Why? Because I am an adult
And Iâm very, very clean
Donât see why everybody else is mean
This madness must come to a halt.

Iâll take over when the dust has cleared
A clean new world, one thatâs bioengineered
With bicycles and scooters everything will be so neat
Living in the future will be a jolly good treat.


Voices In My Head

Can you hear the voices in my head?
Some are silky and others are red.

I think one says I should take my life
The other one just might be my wife

Why do they pick on me?
Why wonât they let me be?

Can you hear them calling me?
Itâs never quiet, itâs buzzing like a bee

One is whispering I should rub my face
Another one says I should say grace.

Why do they pick on me?
Why wonât they let me be?

Latakia talking rooster fly watch maker bugger three
Pancake model number theory pop the jumper lady free
Mumble granny cracking toga tiger forklift winter speaker
Smoking cobra sandwich hater take my hand donât make a creaker

Too many spatulas
Spank her in the hidden spas

I can hear them calling you
You know you can, you hear them too

Donât pretend, theyâre quite attractive
And intelligent, perhaps pro-active

Why do they pick on me?
Why wonât they let me be?


Merv Is a Were-Kangaroo (Mervâs Song)
By Victor Spiegel

Merv is a were-kangaroo
Now the foot is on the other shoe
Thereâs nothing that he canât do
Now that Mervâs a were-kangaroo

Instructions in genetic code
Tell the tissues to unfold
Life expanding brash and bold
A new species to love and hold

If you want to make a new creation
You need a gene mutation
Merv is taking on a new life
But heâs got a nasty problem with his wife

Merv, Merv, donât go bad
Donât get angry, donât be mad
We know the situation is bizarre
But look inside to know who you are

Iâm a cranky son of a bitch
I donât care if youâre poor or rich
Iâm the only were-kangaroo
What she did to me Iâm gonna to do you


Marjorie (1975)

Thank ya Lord, Thank ya Lord, Thank ya Lord,
Thank ya for the clothes I wear
Thank ya for the food I eat
Thank ya for the air I breathe
Thank ya Lord, Thank ya Lord, Thank ya Lord,
Thanks for everything

I went to bed drunk last night
I woke up and I felt all right
My friends all claim I killed my wife
But all I remember is I held the knife

Marjorie my honey
Marjorie my honey
Donât you believe everything you hear

The judge told me I would have to pay
30 years of my life away
I asked the judge if he killed his wife
Would he put himself away for life

Marjorie my honey
Marjorie my honey
Donât you believe everything you hear

I been sittinâ in this cell for 11 years
And good behavior hasnât reached my ears
Marjorie comes to me at night
And tells itâs going to be all right

Marjorie my honey
Marjorie my honey
I believe you when youâre here

Got up today
Want to cry
But it doesnât matter if I live or die
âCause Marjorieâs been by my side

Marjorie my honey
Marjorie my honey
I believe you when youâre here

Thank ya Lord, Thank ya Lord, Thank ya Lord,
Thank ya for the clothes I wear
Thank ya for the food I eat
Thank ya for the air I breathe
Thank ya Lord, Thank ya Lord, Thank ya Lord,
Thanks for everything

Shadowâs Song

Wouldnât you like to come with me
Down the slippery stairway
Underneath tower and see

You wonât find any beer or wine
And it isnât Big Sur
But it is my home and itâs mine.

I know what youâll say
And I say itâs passé
Youâve got to learn to think for yourself
Now listen to me
Iâm gonna count to three
Then weâll jump and youâll see what I mean.

Isnât this lovely falling down
Down the slipper stairway
Deep into the shadows round and round
Isnât this just the time of year
To take a leave of absence
Travel and let destiny steer.

I wouldnât scream so loud
Or act too proud
This isnât the most friendly crowd
Now donât squirm or swear
Itâs not that I care
But your presence here is quite rare.

Wouldnât you like to come with me
Down the slippery stairway
Underneath tower on a journey.


I am special

I am special
Iâve got special needs
Iâve got special problems
And even special feeds

Wherever I go I stand out well
I suffer with the best of them as you can tell
The special clothes I wear and the
Special things I bear
Make me feel special in my very special chair

I am special
Iâve got special needs
Iâve got special problems
And even special tweeds

Wherever I go makes it a special place
Everyone can sympathize with my problems and my grace
Having special issues doesnât come free
So donât you ever try to be more special than me!

Iâve got so many problems, you should know about them all
My journals are so full that Iâve started on this wall
I think Iâll build a pyramid to my special pain
And then rest my head inside with my special brain.

I am special
Iâve got special needs
Iâve got special problems
Iâm a special breed.