Ultimate Teenagers Dating Guide for Parents and Teens

Automated PDF to Text preview page 4 to 6:

Is it ever all right for a girl to chase a boy? Throughout the ages women have found ways of being appealing and interesting to the men they have liked. Nowadays girls are taking more initiative than ever. The important thing is that a girl not be too obvious, or she defeats her own purpose. It's best if she waits for some sign of a boy's interest before she embarks on a campaign. And then she must make it look as though he, rather than she, is the pursuer. In Grandma's formula, it's all right for a girl to "chase a fellow until he catches her." BOY MEETS GIRL How does a fellow get to meet a girl he likes? is a question many boys ask. Girls who have to use subtle approaches think a boy has no real problem in this direction. But what a boy really wants to know is how to operate so that his advances won't be rebuffed. Traditionally, a boy asks a mutual acquaintance to introduce him to a girl he wants to meet. He takes it from there, usually with an invitation to a date that will further their acquaintance. In
modern settings it's not always easy to find a go-between. Fortunately, today it's no longer necessary. If a boy and girl attend the same school or classes, or belong to the same club, that in itself constitutes an introduction. If Janet goes to a different school, then Ted can try attending one or more of her school's functions in an effort to meet her. The hardest moment, perhaps, comes when a couple are finally face to face. If a boy is an outgoing type of person to whom friendly pleasantries come readily, then it's easy. He'll find the right little compliment to pay a girl, the right opening remarks. But the shy, inexperienced boy--and he is legion--will find these first efforts at gallantry very trying. Such a boy ought to plan ahead of time just what he will say to a girl. Even then he may not follow through with his plan; tension may erase every rehearsed word from his mind and he may end up blurting out an abrupt invitation that startles the girl. But if she is sensitive and interested, she overlooks
his clumsiness and encourages him with her acceptance, knowing that experience will take the rough edges off her new friend's manner. Meeting a strange girl in a strange place can really give a boy stage fright. This time he had no chance to rehearse; suddenly he's expected to do and say the right things. It's no wonder that he gets tongue-tied. (Of course, later on, in long solitary post-mortems, he can think of the most brilliant, most witty conversation.) That's why it's a good idea for beginning daters to develop a few little formulas to use when words fail. A good opener, for instance, would be: "Didn't I meet you at the Joneses?" Or a boy might make a comment that linked them to a common friend or interest. He could also ask a girl where she hails from, what brought her to this place, how she spells her name, or how long she has known the person who introduced them. Such simple little icebreakers that get conversation rolling are worth developing. All Work and No Play Many high school and college girl
s complain that the boys they know have no time for girls. And it is true that there are serious-minded boys of all ages who are so absorbed in school work, hobbies, or plans for the future that they pay little or no attention to girls. A

fellow with his mind on the future, busily weighing the pros and cons of business versus the professions, considering whether college or military training should come first, seemingly cannot further complicate his life with a girl. And before he knows it he has a reputation as a "woman hater." There are young men so absorbed in work or study that they can talk about nothing else. Girls complain that such a man is a bore--that he never seems to notice them or their interests, that he's unwilling to do anything to cultivate a friendship. This kind of selfabsorbed boy who is essentially nice often misses out on the friendship of a suitable girl and then falls prey to an unscrupulous one who plays upon his central interest to make an insincere place for herself in his life. Some boys and girls who appear to be devoted to an absorbing interest actually are afraid of members of the other sex, and use their interest as an excuse to avoid contact with them. A girl who doesn't want to be too obvious in her datelessn
ess may feign busyness or an intense interest in music or her family, for instance, to cover up for her lack of boy friends. Similarly, a boy's interest in planes, electronics, sports, or what-have-you may, in reality, be masking his fear of being unable to win and hold a girl's attention. Such boys and girls would do well to face up to the truth, and, with the help of a wise counselor or good friend, change their ways to catch up on some wholesome dating fun. Some young people have intellectual, aesthetic, or spiritual interests during high school which are just enough out of step with the majority of their age and grade so that they don't find their associates congenial until they get into college or university life. These are the fellows and girls whose abilities seem to overshadow their personalities in their early development. They "come out" as interesting persons as they find themselves, but as teens they are discouraging both to themselves and to those who care about them. The important thing to reme
mber is that social development and maturity cannot be rushed, and that eventually most young people find their proper social niche. Not Ready to Date? It's a good idea to investigate the reason why a particular individual is slow to get started dating. Is he shy and bashful? Then maybe he needs encouragement in getting social experience; maybe he or she needs to be drawn into a group activity as a starter. Is the person an outsider because of interests and dreams that are not shared by his contemporaries? Then he needs further to develop his unique personality, confident that congenial companions will be available beyond high school or even college. Some young people have been so hurt in the process of growing up that they may need special help to straighten out. They must be made to realize that they have within them the potentialities of becoming wholesome, happy persons. Special counselors, psychological services, and guidance facilities, can help this kind of unhappy young person; and those who are conc
erned with his happiness should be carefully guide him in that direction. Too Ready to Date? Frequently girls are ready for dates long before others of their age and grade are. These are the girls who grow up fast, and before they're out of grade school are taller or more

physically mature than others in their class. They become interested in boys at a time when fellows their own age are not even aware that girls exist, in a special personal sense. Because the early developing girl is tall for her age, it is hard for her to find a boy taller than she is and still within the range of those considered datable by her family. Parents often object to a girl's dating older boys, for they know that although she looks grownup, she actually is too inexperienced to handle the complicated situations that might arise with an older fellow. Yet the boys of her own age are still "little guys" both literally and socially. So the early maturing girl is expected to "freeze" where she is until others of her age catch up with her. The fact is that at junior high school age, girls are taller than the majority of boys. Lamentably, at dancing classes , group dates, or boy-girl parties, the tall girl who is big for her age is avoided by shorter fellows. So she, more ready to date than most, is more
frequently delayed in the very social experiences, such as dancing lesions, that would ready her for dating when it finally does come. This problem is accentuated in our country because exaggerated emphasis is put on the importance of a boy being taller than a girl. There are many particularly well-adjusted girls who weather this handicap quite nicely. They become natural leaders to whom other girls and boys turn. They take the initiative in social affairs and help others have a good time. Buy the time pairing off begins, and the fellows are beginning to shoot up in height, such early maturing girls come into their own time developed some special skills in group activities, such as running a party or playing a musical instrument, or have found themselves a place in sports or drama. HOW TO BE POPULAR Most teen-agers would like to be popular if they could. But many are baffled as to just what it takes to achieve popularity, or even to get a date. Knowing that is generally considered attractive to the opposite
sex helps. Also understanding what boys expect of girls and what girls expect of boys in a given community is especially important. In general young people like members of the other sex who are (1) careful of their personal appearance; (2) courteous and thoughtful; and (3) fun to be with. A girl doesn't have to be a beauty to get a date. She just has to dress appropriately, be neat and well groomed, and then try to forget her appearance. The same goes for a boy. If he's clean and neat (hair combed, fresh shirt, nails clean) he's acceptable, and probably attractive to someone. Courtesy is mentioned frequently by both boys and girls as a desirable quality in a date. Actually, being courteous is just being thoughtful of others; it's easy to get the habit. Sometimes a young person grows up in a family that is careless or casual about little courtesies, and he has to learn not to speak when someone else is talking, not to talk with a mouth full of food. If you keep your voice low and pleasant, say "Thank you" an
d "Excuse me" at appropriate times, it makes a pleasant impression on new and old friends. Some schools have special courses in social arts where students get opportunities for practicing those graces that make getting along with others easy. Books, articles, and