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This is the true story of one boys journey into adulthood; an amazing journey that sees him exposed to the worst abuses imaginable. Physical and mental abuses were suffered in silence at the callous hands of his step father. That in itself was bad enough for any young child to endure, but things were to get much worse for Nigel. At the age of eleven, he was abandoned to a childrens home that came to be known as The Home from Hell. Here, he was one of many young boys subjected to the most hideous forms of sexual abuse, perpetrated by the founder and principal of The Home, who was subsequently jailed for his crimes.
When he left The Home from Hell as a young man, Nigels life was already dysfunctional, and the book goes on to describe his subsequent addiction to sex. It details his flirtation with drugs and violence, and his obsessive striving for wealth and a personal identity
child, child abuse, abuse, sex, sexabuse, bryn alyn, north wales, john allen, sex addiction, bipolar, survivor
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Automated PDF to Text preview page 4 to 6:
Prologue
As I set out to write this book, in the late afternoon of my 42nd birthday, I am sitting at my personal computer in my bedroom, my concentration battling with the sound of drums emerging from the room next door. My son David is going through his daily half-hour drum practice routines. The noise deafens me each time the heavy thud of his bass drum pedal thunders through the thin walls, and I feel the vibrations through my shoes. It may be surprising to you that I am actually pleased to endure this deafening experience, no matter how loud it becomes I am pleased because he is a normal boy with a normal life, whereas I am a damaged boy, with an extraordinary life. Apart from the drumming, his other passion is the Royal Navy. He is about to apply to enter service at the end of this year and he knows exactly what he wants from life and how to achieve it. I am very proud of him and I will miss him immensely when he finally flees the nest. At his age, which is just sixteen, I was completely screwed-up and was alrea
dy playing at being a husband to a twenty seven yearold woman named Pamela, and a dad to her two children Gordon & Teresa. The contrast between David's life and mine is remarkable.
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I am researching and writing this book primarily for myself because a psychotherapist has recommended that the process will be good therapy. I have never attempted to write a book before,
although I have always believed that I had one in me, just waiting to be written. Until now I have never been too sure that I should write it. With the ongoing encouragement of my closest friend Andy, and my wife Jane, I have decided that I will tell the truth about my life, even when it hurts me to do so, and even if the truth makes me vulnerable to other people's judgment. I have promised myself to be accurate and fully descriptive in the recalling, recording and communicating of the pain, loneliness, guilt and despair that I remember suffering. The strong emotion that I carry inside is sometimes like a heavy weight in my heart and it has surely been in there for too many years.
Although I am primarily writing this autobiography for myself, I know others will want to read it. I must warn you that I will sometimes use strong language in the dialogue and will include vivid descriptions of sexual, emotional and physical abuse. I make no apologies, as I believe this method of writing is necessary in describing certain situations and feelings. My story will introduce you to a world of sexual deviancies and child molestation that you may know exist but have never been exposed to. My story may make you cry when you share my recalled experiences of being an abused and abandoned child and also a desperately lonely and confused
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adult. My life, whilst at times unbearable, is real and you will read about real life in this book.
As a child I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused. As an adult I have had sex with too many partners to remember. I have created and owned dating agencies, wife swapping clubs and sex Chatlines. I have known what it is to live a `wealthy' existence, and what it is like to live in abject poverty.
I have experienced religion, drug abuse and violence first hand. I once found healing and hope through believing in Jesus Christ. I have since found peace through being honest about a new-found atheistic viewpoint. In my teenage years I slept in open fields whilst on the run from the police. At just thirteen years of age I was selling and using drugs. At eighteen I seriously planned to kill myself and my abuser. I have experienced the pain and unhappiness of divorce; my parents, my own, and now my children's also.
I have earned money doing one of the most dangerous jobs at sea, working as a deep-sea trawler man, sailing from Fleetlea during the years of the so-called "cod wars" with Iceland. I have also earned easy money from running premium rate sex Chatlines. I have faced judges due to drink driving, bad debts and business liquidations. I have kept company with homosexuals, transvestites, lesbians and bisexuals. I have associated with thieves, prostitutes, hells angels,
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