The Art of Dating
Art of Dating
"Dating As An Art" by Millis Duvall. "Like all arts, it must be cultivated
to bring results."
In this practical guide she shows you how.
Dr. Duvall is the author of the best-selling Facts of Life and Love for Teen-Agers. A former director of the Association for Family Living, she has written many books and articles on topics vital to happiness in the home.
At present she serves as director of the adolescent study course of the National Congress of Parents and Teachers and as a regional consultant for The American Institute of Family Relations.
Together with her daughter Joy Duvall Johnson, Dr. Duvall has made an extensive study of the questions boys and girls ask about dating.
They have compiled this helpful book to fill the need for candid information. And they have included sound discussions of such important subjects as premarital intimacies and teen-age marriages.
"Dating As An Art" will tell you how to get the date you want—and then how to make sure both you and your date have a really good time.
This book is written for young people and the adults who care about them, as a guide to dating and the relationships between sexes.
When thousands of questions from youth were collected and analyzed as background for Facts of Life and Love for Teen-Agers, two of the most frequently asked questions were:
(1) How do you get a date? and
(2) What do you do with a date when you get one?
Since the publication of that book, I have continued to meet with young people in widely different settings—from the men at Princeton to the girls of the Indiana Sunshine Society; from Oberlin to South Carolina State; and with young people of both sexes in national and state-wide 4-H conventions, local and area YMCA, YWCA, and church youth groups, high school and college students, as well as out-of-school youth in many large and small communities in every section of the country.
In each instance, the most valuable part of our work together in discussing boy-girl relations was the full, frank, and free participation of the young people themselves. As they raised the questions they wanted to discuss and then considered them with me as consultant, much of value came to light.
Since 1950 more than 17,000 questions about dating have been collected from these sessions and analyzed for content as a basis for this book.
Some thirty research studies, listed in the back of this volume, and a considerable amount of clinical evidence have been brought to bear upon the questions youth ask about dating.
This book, then, belongs to young people. It has come from them. It is directed to them.
Our task as reporter and interpreter is done if the book serves not as a set of answers, but as a stimulus to further questioning; not as a directive, but as a guide. That is the spirit in which it was written.
—EVELYN MILLIS DUVALL
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1. OFF TO A GOOD START 1
2. ARE YOU READY TO DATE? 14
3. WHAT ABOUT YOUR DATE'S AGE? 28
4. THE RIGHT DATE FOR YOU 41
5. ASKING FOR A DATE 61
6. ACCEPTING OR REFUSING A DATE 73
7. DATING—HOW OFTEN? HOW LATE? 85
8. WHAT TO DO ON A DATE 97
9. HOW MUCH DO DATES COST? 115
10. CARS, DATES, AND FAMILIES 128
11. HOW TO SAY "NO" 139
12. FALLING IN AND OUT OF LOVE 153
13. EXPRESSING AFFECTION 167
14. SEXUAL RELATIONS BEFORE MARRIAGE 181
15. GOING STEADY 196
16. GETTING MARRIED 211
RESEARCH STUDIES MENTIONED OR USED AS A
BASIS FOR GENERALIZATIONS ON DATING 226
Shyness with members of the other sex is common among young people. You are not alone in this problem. Getting over self-consciousness to the point where you can relax and be friendly with those you most admire is a challenge.
The more thrilled you are with the presence of the other person, the more likely you are to be embarrassed, it seems. But with experience you gradually become more comfortable with the opposite sex.
Then, as you develop poise and self-confidence, you discover and put into practice more and more of the art of dating. How to develop that poise and confidence is the question.
Since girls grow up sooner, and are ready for dates before boys of their age and grade generally are, a particular problem for a teen-age girl is how to get a bashful boy to notice her.
This is why girls' clubs so often center around planning boy-girl activities. Many a shy boy has come out of himself at a well-planned party.
With encouragement he finds that he can carry on a conversation and have fun in a mixed group Soon he, too, is ready for dates, usually first with the girl who was friendly and approachable while he was getting up his courage to ask her.
A fellow needs to be reasonably sure a girl wants to go out with him before he asks her. So it's a girl's responsibility to let a boy know that she is interested in him, without behaving so boldly that she scares him off.
When Girls Take the Initiative
There is a thin line between being available and being too forward. The girl who gets a reputation for being a flirt finds that many of the nicer boys and girls avoid her.
Yet, when a girl acts too demure or feigns coolness or disinterest out of fear, she may chase boys away and miss out on the fun of friendship and dating. It is important to remember that boys are also scared and shy, and a smile or gesture from you can begin a friendship.
Girls frequently ask if it's all right to telephone the boys they like. Well—let's look at it from the boy's point of view. If Joan calls Bill about a specific question, or to invite him to some definite affair, he can respond without necessarily feeling that she has put him on the spot.
If she calls repeatedly,or for no particular purpose except to chat aimlessly, his family may tease him and he becomes embarrassed by her "chasing."
Custom has it that a girl may speak first when meeting a boy on the street or in the hallway at school. She doesn't have to wait for the boy to nod or address her.
It's simple courtesy that she recognize him with some friendly greeting or gesture. She does this by making some pleasant sign that she recognizes the boy, and that she feels friendly toward him.
She may smile or nod, or say "Hello" or "Hi, Bill!" Perhaps she'll add some casual remark.
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